The crazy return of the old Dana.

Welcome back person to the rash person i thought i left behind. I've put off writing this blog for fear of further reawaking the beast i assumed was tamed. Obviously i was wrong, but you know it's been known to happen (if you didnt catch that, that was my sad attempt at a lightening the mood joke.). I had fun this weekend..maybe to much fun..ok yeah to much fun..and we all knows what happens when you have to much fun, you pay the consequences afterwards and feel the emotions that in my case are better not felt. And i have no clue what to do with these feelings..i guess supressing thems out of the question as that doesnt work. But idk how to deal with this, i felt like i was having a panic attack yesturday when the full implications of what i did revealed themselves to me. As much as josh can tell me this isnt my fault, i know that it somewhat is. It does take two to tango as the old saying goes so im just as responsible for hurting him as nathan is..but dang this sucks. So im throwing a welcome back party for the Dana i thought i left behind at the beginning of the summer. The one who did things without thinking and disregarded all feelings that came her way. I did some crappy things earlier this year, so i changed, evolved if you will, because i decided i couldnt live with that version of myself. And it now seems that it wasnt worth the effort because obviously i am back to where i started. Not to say that i regret saturday night because in a sense i dont...hey i try not to regret anything in life..but i do regret how people were effected by my actions specifically josh. This one night has turned into a maelstorm of events and im not liking it.